Animals at Work
by Flabagash
Summary: “It’s quite an important position.... the presenter! And we all decided, who better to take on such a big responsibility as that than our confident, charismatic, dashing, boss?” Charmed Ianto.


**Totally random fic, doesn't really fit anywhere as far as continuity, it's just a bit of fun dedicated to all those John Barrowman fans who shamelessly watched the CBBC show "Animals at Work" just to stare at the pretty ********  
Enjoy!**

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"If none of us would ever do it, what makes you think Jack will?" Ianto asked, quick to defend their boss, his boyfriend's pride, who was currently not in attendance with the weekly meeting as he was dealing with a weevil in Spott.

"One of us will have to .... _persuade_ him..." explained Gwen, with an evil glint in her big, green eyes.

"It's got to be Ianto who does it," Owen established to a round of murmured agreements from Tosh and Gwen.

"But-" the aforementioned Welshman began to protest, before being shushed by the usually reserved Toshiko.

"Sh, he's coming! Do it now!" She exclaimed...

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10 minutes Later Ianto found himself sitting opposite Jack Harkness, a desk and two mugs of perfect coffee sat comfortably between them.

"Sir," he began, keeping a professional persona and straight face for during work hours, "it's come to our attention that there has been some peculiar goings on inside the popular children's channel, the CBBC."

"Right, what would these _peculiar goings on _be referring to?"

"Well, a slightly too realistic reconstruction of a WWII era war house in "evacuation," a man who resembles one of the Ornithi-people we encountered in April referring to himself as "raven," and, for a broadcasting station run by the royals, whom we know have a questionable history, there are an uncomfortable number of references to Werewolves in shows such as "Trapped!" And that's just to name a few; don't even get me started on Balamory..."

Seeing Ianto visibly shudder at the mention of the popular TV show, jack made a mental note to question Ianto's distaste for the programme later.

"Riiiight," Jack drawled, confused by what could only be described as a very random report of findings. Ianto knew jack would see it as foolish, hence not wanting to be the one to explain the scenario to their boss who quite often only saw a threat as something you could wave a gun at. "So what do you suggest we do, Ianto?" continued Jack, humouring his young partner.

Rolling his eyes theatrically at Jack's patronising, Ianto decided to press the subject of the mission he, Gwen, Tosh and Owen had been planning for weeks. He didn't want to be the one to explain it to Jack as he knew that if he messed up the delivery of the pitch, all their hard work would be wasted. "Well, it so happens that a show is in the works which we find questionable...and we have a way to get someone inside."

"What's the show about?" pushed Jack.

"Animals." Stated Ianto matter-of-factly, not giving anything away in his expressions.

"Animals?" repeated jack, raising one eyebrow comically.

"Yes, animals." Continued Ianto, " Animas at work. How natural is that? Painting dolphins, teaching leopards, swimming orang-utans...something's not right!"

"Ok, what's the position of infiltration?"

"It's quite an important position.... the presenter! And we all decided, who better to take on such a big responsibility as that than our confident, charismatic, _dashing, _boss?" Charmed Ianto.

"Oh Ianto, when will you learn only the cute-suit could make that line work?" Jack winked, checking out Ianto who was wearing an attractive suit, in shades of blue. However, Jack preferred him in red. "Can't Owen or someone do it?"

Sighing, Ianto explained: "After the jellied eel's scenario, he's ruled himself out."

"What about -"

"It has to be a male presenter and I'm still not over going undercover at the choir completion...."

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**6 weeks later**

"_Hi and welcome to animals at work.... wait, you're just going to leave me here?"_

"So, Jack – you didn't find anything on set then?" Sniggered Gwen from behind a big bowl of popcorn.

"No zombie cats or Martian dogs?" Added Owen, laughing shamelessly.

Ianto bashfully hung his head to hide his smirk, it was a cruel joke, but Jack looked very good in jeans and that shirt sat on bales of hay...

"This is what I get for trusting you people..." sulked Jack from his office, purposefully sitting away from the T.V. but still listening to the conversation. "That was mean... it's not even April fools!"

"It could be.... on some far off planet..." Reasoned Tosh.

"How much time did you spend on this when you could have been working?" Asked Jack, pretending to be the 'strict boss,' but failing after the team had seen him falling in pile of cow dung and now no longer took him seriously.

"Well it was relatively simple to arrange," informed Ianto. "The most difficult part was coming up with your stage name..."

"John Barrowman?" asked Jack, "What's the significance?"

"Well," explained Gwen, "John is just another name for jack, Barrow means pig."

"What qualifies me as 'pig-man?' " Asked Jack, who was genuinely confused.

"Ask yourself that next time we have donuts and you wolf them down!" Reasoned Tosh.

"Same goes for having beans," added Owen.

"And as I said, manners in bed... they're atrocious!" Concluded a smug Ianto who already sky plussed the 13 episodes of 'Animals at Work' Jack was forced to film to play continuously in his flat for the next 6 months or so.


End file.
